blog post.

so, the title says it all, once again.  this is a blog post!
currently, i am in thatcher. i came to see a friend that just got back from georgia, and to sort out some college stuff and make sure everything is in order because in 2.5 weeks this city slicker is gunna become a small town let down :) hehehehe (inside joke)
anyways, for some odd reason (really, its odd) my layout was completely erased.  and so, me, being the busiest energizer bunny that i am, did not have time to redo it all and find something that fit my personality PERFECTLY or anything like that, but i needed SOMETHING! so this will have to do.
so tonight i am supposedly going on a date. with a guy that is not interested in me. with a guy that i want to make mine. i thought my last post was torture... but this is torture on a whole new level!
I'm stuck in the 'friend' zone. and that's a horrible feeling.
trying to play it cool. trying not to cry. trying not to seem any weirder than i already am.
ahhhhh oh wellll! life goes one.
i went into the college office today to get stuff sorted out. and WOOOOWWW! :) cute guy freaking overload!
and my excitement level for college just flew through the roooof! i am beyond excited. mainly to find a husband and then get married! or just focus on school and my career. we'll see :)
well my date is here. so i guess this is it for me!

TORTURE!

AH!
so, i'm sitting in the airport terminal waiting about and hour for my flight i had already called each of my friends and had lenghty convos, read a magazine in the tourist shop and gotten a bite to eat. but i still found myself with an hr left to wait with nothing else to do.
so i people watched. and dang there are some cute guys in airports! and one came and sat next me. he was from orange county and his dad is a famous country singer. his name was johnny. and we had an amazing convo about music and life and everything ! I couldn't stop thinking about him and it's totally not fair cuz i have no way to ever see him again!
then tonight i am at bed bath and beyond getting some stuff for my dorm and this amzingly gorgeous guy helps pick out some stuff and was like  a personal shopping assistant. it was amazing. his name was D.J. but i prolly wont ever see him again either. i hate having these moments just to think about.
it stinks!
then the one person you really do love, doesnt love you.
what's this love things anyways?

Next opportunity to learn and expand

so, I've played one gig so far at club red performing a song a friend wrote to me,a nd we performed it together. well, since then, we have put together a few more things. Including Love the way you lie by Eminem and Rihanna. I'm also going to be debuting a few of my own original songs. it's going to be so amazing. so this major event in the history of me and my career takes place at the Red Owl in Tempe and will be on September 25th, 2010. Which also happens to be my 19th bday :D
I am so thankful for the talents that God has given me, even if they aren't as good as they could've been had i not been burrying them my whole life. I love how when i dream something, i make it reality sooner or later.  which is why i don't get why some ppl don't believe in me. the people that have known me the longest don't think it's gunna happen. its depressing really. you'd think they'd catch on by now that i will make whatever i want to have happen happen, but it's alright. just another point to prove, and i'm just good at that :P

the Yankee's Stadium sitting in my stomach

I have a pit, a sinking whole, the size of the Yankee's stadium sitting inside my stomach, crowding my heart.
 it's like anxiety on slow ur roll. or purple stuff.
it's ridiculous. and i am fine when im around ppl. i've trained myself so well to just be happy around ppl that it's second nature.
but when i am alone.... it eats at me. i want to scream. i want to fill it somehow. but every attempt is in vain.
im not sure what to do.