Disclaimer: This post is going to be all over the place. soooo.... I will probably not make much sense at all but I've said before and I'll say it again that I do not write for an audience. I write for me.
I don't even know where to start, but most people recommend the beginning but I am not even sure where that is, to be honest. I'll do my best though.
I have this wonderful yet horrible habit of overloading myself and always wanting to over achieve. I have always wanted to accomplish more than the average girl my age... or anybody for that matter. I have convinced myself that I am super girl.. or the energizer bunny and will never wear out or tire and just being able to accomplish every task that I take on! (all at once!) ever since I can remember I have been this way. Especially in High school when I transferred to Mesa High School. I joined EVERYTHING. I did Service learning, Speech and Debate, Spirit Club, Softball, Center Stage, Color Guard, Disney Club, and was Mesa Woman. I also hung out with a lot of the Stucco kids so I helped with all of their tasks as well. I just wanted to do everything! My first semester of College I took 18 Credits and double majored, was cast as the lead in the play, and worked part time. Second Semester I took 25 credits, double majored, acted in several student films, worked part time for half the semester, cooked all my own meals every meal every day, was an Irene Ryan Nominee which required me to travel and audition for scholarships and Grad Schools, and was in Student Council.
And Boy did I learn the hard way that I am not superwoman... or the energizer bunny.
I burnt myself out. My wick was completely gone. I moved back home to have the love and support of my family around me more fully.
But point is, I have always gone by this philosophy "bite off more than you can chew, and then chew it." Maybe I stuck to that a little too much though.
I have always wanted to impress people when I told them what I was doing. I always wanted the absolute best for myself.
I also Value my education very, very much. I also Love my Heavenly Father very, very much. Which is why I feel so torn right now.
I always have a plan for myself... and most of the time I am not very bitter about plans changing because I KNOW that the Lord always knows what is best for me.
My plans after moving home were to go to ASU's Walter Cronkite School of Journalism, get my own place, get my degree and then work for some prestigious magazine or news station/paper. Well... Tuition is expensive so I needed a semester to save. So I was going to do a semester at the local community college and then in January transfer.
Then I had a daddy daughter meeting thing with my dad about school... ugh Anyways, LONG STORY SHORT, My parents and I prayed about what I should do because they were worried I was going to over work myself, and so we were thinking about me just going to school part time for a year at the community college. Which I was a little bummed about because I wanted to go to ASU as soon as possible and get started living my dream!
When we prayed about it, We ALL got the feeling that I shouldn't take any classes and take a semester off and just work full time and be better able to handle whatever the Lord see's in my path that I'm going to need to handle.
I am just worried people are going to be so judgmental. I have always just said "Bring it" I don't care how stressful it will be I will make it work." But I cant because Heavenly Father is telling me differently..and I would be a fool if I didn't listen.
You know what, I'm NOT worried about wasting a semester off of school. The Lord knows what is in my future and this probably for the best... I just I could convince my anxiety..