So, no, I did not make it as Homecoming queen, but it was a fun process! This last week was homecoming week at college and I got to meet Kirby Heyborne and do a lot of fun things including like dress up in crazy costumes as part of spirit week.
I am so stressed out, but I am hoping that things die down for me soon. Because I just want to give up the way things are going right now. I start thinking about all that I have to get done and it makes me want to break down and just cry.
I have been so blessed with so much. but I realize that I have to work for all these blessings.
I have been so depressed and I'm trying even harder not to be. because i shouldn't be! I have every reason in the world to be happy but my little heart is just breaking to pieces. and there is nothing I can do. I hate not being in control of my feelings.
But on another thought..... I am not running from feelings anymore. I am opening myself up and letting them in. I will embrace them. All of them. I will appreciate them for what they are.
I am scared to death to be as happy as I am because every time I am happy, i get hurt. and The level of hurt that I feel depends on how happy I am. but I don't want to live my life in fear. I am trying so hard to accept it,,,, but it's definitely not something I can do over night.
but progression on perfection.
I am trying and thats all anyone can ask of me.
I will be ok.
I will be.
I have to be.
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