My boyfriend has had his buddies bike the last two nights and i got to go riding on it with him :)
if you read my blog a few months back, you know how much i like bikes! :) here is a picture of us and our awesomeness!
I am now in Mesa, AZ for a while. It snowed my last night in Thatcher, so the not so cold weather here is rather refreshing.
I had a Sister day with Ashleigh at the mall and finished all my Christmas shopping. :) can't wait for Christmas!
gunna go partying tonight, which will be super super fun! :) i need to unwind!
I did very well this semester. i got great grades.
I also am moving into my own apartment! I am super excited about that! :)
going to dinner with family right now!
I have been having a lot of issues sleeping lately. I either can't sleep, or have nightmares.
Last night I had a nightmare unlike most others though.
I had a dream that I was in a dream. I was married to a guy that I didn't know more that skin deep and I was pretending to be happy for all these people that expected that out of me because he was the "picture perfect" guy, but inside I was absolutely torn up and distraught about it.
Well, I woke up (inside my dream) and went to have lunch with my best friend. I told her about my horrible dream and she told me as sweetly and as understanding as one could that that is what happened in real life... suddenly we were sitting in my house and I saw all our wedding pictures and home decor and photo albums of our "life" together. I just started screaming from sheer terror that anyone in my life who supposedly cared about me would let me marry someone that i didn't even know. that i didn't even communicate with at all!! I took all the pictures in frames threw them so the glass shattered everywhere. I started ripping all the pictures out of the wedding album and tearing them into as many pieces as possible. I was so upset.
My "husband" came home from work and started asking what was wrong. I just yelled at him for allowing me to get married to him. for him to go along with it and encourage it. We weren't in love and we shouldn't be married. this is isn't what life is about. he understood completely and didn't want to be married either but knew it is what the "picture perfect" world wanted so he grinned and bared it. I told him it was SO wrong for two humans to live like this. I had dreams. I had goals and he allowed everyone to force me to marry him and take it all away from me!
It ended with me burning the house down.
I have been in a bad mood all day. It was vivid and horrible. It really shook me up. That one isn't even as bad as most of the other nightmares that I have been having. However, that one really just hit home...
I hope I have a better dream tomorrow. I hate this feeling that I am feeling.
Life is so confusing sometimes. You want one thing then when you get it you realize you never really wanted it. or you really dislike something and so you try to get it out of your life, and then you realize that all along you really loved that something.
We ask ourselves, Where is the happy medium? And I really wish I had the answer to that. I want something but at the same time i don't want that something. It's what they say about brothers, "Can't live with em, can't live without em."
And this apathy thing! It makes life soooo much easier! Being apathetic gives you much more of an advantage over the rest of society. Feelings are so taxing and when you learn to focus that energy elsewhere because of the lack of feeling. You aren't impaired by the feeling of pain that others are effected by.
My uncle was killed about 8 months ago in Afghanistan and it was one of the hardest things that My family and I have experienced. They say that it is good to talk about these sort of things every once in a while to get it out of your system but i don't want to lose it in front of someone so i am blogging it.
My uncle was an awesome guy. He had such a fun personality and hilarious sense of humor! He was very protective of me and wanted to make sure any guy I dated knew that he was a Ranger and could run 5 miles in 33 minutes and was a teacher of the mixed martial arts. He loved his girlfriend, Megan and his daughter, Aryanna very much. He loved all of his family and his country too.
It was Friday! But not just any Friday. This Friday was special because it was the start of spring break! and the start of an amazing week of partying, hitting up the spa up north, and sleeping in and not doing anything productive. My girls and I were cruising down mill after a concert we had just got done at and I was having a blast jamming to music that was so loud i couldn't hear myself think.
That night we were all going to crash at one friends house and then start all over the next day. My parents knew how stressful midterms were and how crazy life had been and knew that i needed something to unwind and let myself have fun again, so i thought it was odd that i got a call from my mom and was told very coldly to get home as soon as possible. I was confused to say the least. I had absolutely no idea what the problem could be.
I got home and my mom was just sitting on the couch looking very worried.
My dad was in the dining room on the phone and I wasn't allowed in there for some reason. I kept asking what was wrong but she told me i needed to wait for my dad.... he eventually got off the phone and i saw him walk around the corner into our family room... he was crying... I asked what was wrong but he couldn't find the stability to say more than three words "You're uncle Jake..." before he lost it again.
I knew that Jake had been overseas fighting and I knew that instant exactly what had happened.... I jumped up and threw my arms around my dad's neck. we sat on the couch and just held each other and cried... he then told me exactly how it happened through tears. It was like someone had just plunged a knife into my heart. After a little while i called my friends again and had them come pick me up and get my mind off of things.
The next day, we put a permanent flag pole with the American Flag and the Army flag up. We had military service men coming from all over to have meetings with us and discuss what would happen. that Wed we were scheduled to go to Luke Air Force Base to receive his body. I was one of the few that was allowed on the actual terf while everyone else was held on the sides of the base. The moment that the plane door opened and we all caught glimpse of the coffin we all lost it. we were sobbing. I held my dad close and we watched as they unloaded it. behind us the entire base was at attention. It was such an overwhelming feeling. At that point it felt like the knife had been removed from my heart and peroxide was being poured over it. it stung.
There was so much news coverage on us that week. interview after interview. our phone was ringing off the hook.
There were hundreds of people at the funeral. Many people spoke.
The reality of it hits me every now and then and even though i didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with him I still loved him. I enjoyed the times that i did get to spend with him and I respect him so much for what he did.
So, no, I did not make it as Homecoming queen, but it was a fun process! This last week was homecoming week at college and I got to meet Kirby Heyborne and do a lot of fun things including like dress up in crazy costumes as part of spirit week.
I am so stressed out, but I am hoping that things die down for me soon. Because I just want to give up the way things are going right now. I start thinking about all that I have to get done and it makes me want to break down and just cry.
I have been so blessed with so much. but I realize that I have to work for all these blessings.
I have been so depressed and I'm trying even harder not to be. because i shouldn't be! I have every reason in the world to be happy but my little heart is just breaking to pieces. and there is nothing I can do. I hate not being in control of my feelings.
But on another thought..... I am not running from feelings anymore. I am opening myself up and letting them in. I will embrace them. All of them. I will appreciate them for what they are.
I am scared to death to be as happy as I am because every time I am happy, i get hurt. and The level of hurt that I feel depends on how happy I am. but I don't want to live my life in fear. I am trying so hard to accept it,,,, but it's definitely not something I can do over night.
but progression on perfection.
I am trying and thats all anyone can ask of me.
I will be ok.
I will be.
I have to be.
What is this thing love that we speak of? when we say that we love someone, do we know what we are telling them?
Maybe I'm crazy but I was under the impression that love was another from of care. That when we love someone, we care about their feelings, we care what they might think and feel, and we do what we can to make sure that we don't do anything to inflict pain on those we love because love is care.
In my findings these days I have come to discover that Love is just people looking for love. They think that they can learn to find it. They think that if they are in love everything will be peachy keen and they will live happy lives/ but people aren't actually loving the way it is meant to happen.
This makes me so sad. Especially when you love someone in the first way mentioned and come to find out that they don't mean the same thing when they say it back.
Yes, it is true! I was nominated for homecoming queen here at Eastern Arizona! Next week is homecoming week, and Today was voting for the finalists or something like that.. still not sure how the whole thing works, but point is i was nominated and it is super exciting! one of the girls I am running against is Miss Graham County though and so I am not setting my hopes too high but I am just super excited that I even got nominated! college rocks!
Last night I traveled from thatcher to Mesa to witness and be apart of Mesa High's homecoming! We got to go in through the side, just like the old days. We got field access the entire game, just like the old days. We lost our voices, just like the old days. We helped move the halftime display onto the field and back off, just like the old days, and i had an absolute blast! just like the old days.
It was so much fun! I am so glad that I was able to go and be apart of that again! it brought back so many memories of how hectic and crazy and fun and sleep-deprived homecoming can be! i love that school much!
I got to see my old drama teacher Sandy Stones. She also gave me another speech and debate pin that I wasn't awarded last year. ah it's amazing. that school did so much for me. I am so so so grateful that I made that switch! I don't think i would be who I am or be doing what i'm doing with my life If I hadn't gone to Mesa. It introduced me to so many talents that I had that i wouldn't have other wise knew that I had. I am just so grateful that i've had the experiences that I've had.
on another note, I'm head over heels for a boy. and I am falling harder and harder with every passing day.
This morning I was thinking about it and I am so owned by this feeling. it hurts to be apart or think of life without him. idk. weird.
just needed to say that.
so I had breakfast with an old friend this morning and had a blast. my friend and I always have good conversations and can just talk. its nice. anyways, gunna enjoy the rest of the day in Mesa. i'm loving it its good to be back.
I have not done a blog post in a really long time. For that, I apologize. I have just been so so so busy. I am involved in many clubs, student council, I am double majoring, and then on top of that I ma trying to maintain a social life with my friends.
I believe I mentioned before that I am the freshman representative in the drama club. I have only missed ONE meeting. and I was basically excused from that.
Being that representative, I go to the student council meetings to keep our club in the game! I have not missed a single student council meeting, and because of that I got a free student council t-shirt!
Since I am wanting an actually legit spot on student council next year with the scholarship and perks and everything, I signed up for the leadership class. I figured that it wouldn't hurt and it would most likely help me get that goal even more. I have leadership presentation this Tuesday. I have to pick a leadership quality and give a 5 min presentation about it. I am also going to make cute hand outs with candy and everything. hopefully I will do a good job!
My classes are going good though! However i don't know what I was thinking signing up for 6 hours of class a day! i think i lost my mind. on top of class i have all the homework and meetings and clubs and ggrrr! I HAVE lost my mind. anyone that can help me find it, I will love forever.
Last friday My friends and I went to the fair. It was so much fun! I love hanging with the girls. we had our share of scary and sick though! none of us slept. And we were so tired and the rides made us all sick! ha ha but it was fun! I volunteered for a hypnotist show that night and it didn't work. some ppl say it worked on them. but it didn't work on me. I also rode the Mechanical bull. I love doing that. I want to get my own someday so i don't have to pay to do it.
Saturday I went back to the fair to work in the ticket booth, and met some really cool people! we got to meet everyone that came into the fair and my old seminary teacher from 9th and 10th grade came through! so that was cool! at one point we had 5 or 6 people working in there and it only takes 1 or 2 people to run the counter. So 4 of us got a deck of cards and played this fun card game! and chilled and listened to music on someone's ipod speaker.
I got paid for it but it was the same amount that I spent that the fair the day before. so it just evened out.
That night I went back to the fair with Mason, it was fun. I fell in love with Bob Marly all over again that night. ha ha the people here idolize him! its fun!
This week i only had Acting class once. and it was only to rehearse our partner scenes. Our scene is fun. It's about cheating on someone when you're trying to make a relationship work... ha ha ha some people in the class are going to feel uncomfortable... but Its a lot of fun to do. cuz it's just "acting" its not real.
I developed a hate for a video game store that i love. boys are stupid that way,
I haven't slept much at all. I got asked on a date that i couldn't go on and im glad i didn't because it turned into a big make out fest. I had meetings up the ying yang this week. one right after the other over and over again. busy busy is the life of me.
So, my roommate got engaged over the weekend, they are getting married march 15th. or 18th. i forget but its one of those.
my best friend got engaged last night and their date is december 4th.
It shouldn't bother me so much that people are getting married. but it really does. I was thinking about it last night because it bothered me why it bothered me so much and I think I have some sort of idea.
I don't believe in love. I don't think people can honestly love eachother enough to be with them for the rest of their lives and eternity. I think people just do it because they are expected to. It's whats expected of them.
Love is just a creation that people create. I believe that people can THINK they are in love... but i don't believe anyone really is. and thats why people around me getting married is bothering me. because I know they don't love eachother they are just buckling to societies expectations. oh well. not my life. its their's. all i know is that i won't be getting married. Guys are pigs and people are selfish and inconsiderate. I'll just have that much more time to focus on achieving something and making something of my life. :)
anyways, this was long post. sorry about that. It was just random cuz i needed to write one.
i hope everyone is doing the best at whatever they take the time to do.
For most of the kids here, there are a lot of parties. A lot of good ones. I have been invited to many, however, i never can go. Why? "i can't, I have play practice"
Best ways to spend my nights. It takes every stress away from me. I am not ME anymore. when I walk into that room I am Anne Desmon. I am a different person, feeling different emotions. I get to leave mine behind. Its the most theraputic thing for me! we have noe blocked the entire play! by Friday ALL of it has to be memorized, no scripts will be allowed on stage.
I am exhausted beyond measure. I am starting to get really stressed out with school and such. I have been having anxiety attacks. but being on that stage.... the world is a better place. I am so happy I have this. Dance too. I am finally in dance again. I have not even been taking my heart medicine and I am doing FABULOUS! i am so happy that I am ok and doing what i love.
I am dating a guy right now, he is really sweet. and I really like him alot. we have a ridiculous amount in common. Hopefully i can keep him around.
FUNNIEST thing happened this morning though, I was walking back home from my personal health class this morning and some guy comes and starts walking next to me. He said he wants to get to know me but he had to take a friend to the hospital. he proceeded to give me his number and told me to text him.
I don't think i am going to text him. it was funny though. "welcome to College, Dez"
check out DesiraeAmanda.com!
i feel like i am swimming. actually i was thrown in the deep end. Welcome to real world Des. This world doesn't care how much passion you have if you can't learn to direct it. The world doesn't care how much you like someone if they like someone else. The world doesn't care how sick you, time rolls on. The world doesn't care how much pain you feel, it will inflict more. The world doesn't care how bad you want to fly. The world is stubborn and won't let gravity up for even a second.
I have been thrown in the Deep end. I am outside of my comfort zone. I am in uncharted territory just trying to survive. i am trying so hard. but hopefully i won't get to tired from trying and stop and drown...
i'll just keep dog paddling.
If you have been following, you know that there were auditions last night at the College level. There were many people and it was pretty intimidating. however, i got on stage and did as close to my best as i could!
Today, the call list was posted.... and i made it!!!!! I am Anne Desmon in "The Death of Zukaski"
I am so happy. I am so grateful to these new opportunities to grow and expand. check out DesiraeAmanda.com for more :)
I have theatre auditions tonight after my student council meeting which is at 5 and my audition is at 630. it's open auditions so I think that's the most nerve-wracking part... other than that i believe that I am prepared...
PRAY FOR ME!
So, Tuesday is the day that can make or break me. It's open call theatre auditions. I am doing some monologues that I have performed before, but I definitely need to refresh my memory. tonight is the institute dance so i shall get going on it tomorrow and keep practicing. I know that i can do this. I can do anything that I set my mind to.
The key to success is wanting to be more successful than you are of being afraid to fail. I want this so bad. I am going to do my best. i don't care what anyone see's or judges of me. I am going to forget everything on that stage and do what i want!
This post is dedicated to a girl that is absolutely amazing. She stays true to herself and her word and she is always always there for me. I know that she will keep things confidential if they need to be.
I also know that i can get pretty annoying sometimes and she just puts up with me. i have had so many amazing talks with her. She has made this week so amazing. I am so grateful we were placed across the hall from each other. She helps me through so much and makes me feel so much better.
I am glad that our paths have crossed once again and i know that it's not coincidence. I absolutely love her and do not know where i would be without her right now.
I have completed my first week of college and have survived. Drama has started between some roommates but it's personal issues that THEY need to get over themselves.
And well I made some new friends, a very "special" friend and think this semester will be quite enjoyable.
I have drama auditions on Tuesday Evening and am performing two very amazing monologues, the ones that got me my scholarship :)
classes have been enjoyable, and the days have been incredibly busy. it's like highschool but unstrucutred and more responsibility. It is going to be very busy!
But I have some VERY VERY exciting and life-changing news!
I, Desirae Whetten, have been elected as the freshman representative for the Drama Department and I get to go to Thespian Conference and NEW YORK!!!!!!! I am so excited!
I wish you all the best in all that you take the time to do.
You can relate 'the gun' to school and homework is the bullet that is loading it. and ready to fire is my way of saying i finished and am prepared for the next class.
So my first class is at 9am. its Acting 101. The class seems nice, and there seem to be many neat people in there. We did some interesting activities with each other.
my second class is at 10 right down the hall, and That class i am having mixed feelings about. I am sure it will be interesting and I will learn a lot of new things but the teacher is a little ditzy. She is the volleyball coach and my friends and I already haven't had very pleasant encounters with the team, so i don't know how i feel about that. The girls in that class seem kinda standoffish and it was intimidating. One of the volleyball players is in that class too. But on the bright side there is a guy from Brazil in that class and he seemed really nice. hopefully i will make a friend in that class.
Following that class I have English 101. I met a girl named Tyler that I sat next to. My professor seems like a good teacher. His class is the one that I had homework in. I had to read 6 sections in a writing book, along with JFK's inaugural address and write a response on it. It took me near an hour but i completed it all. In that class there is also a guy from the military. I want to get to know him. That class seems pretty promising for me. I am excited for the semester to progress.
After English i have a 2 hour break. to eat lunch and get ready for my costume construction class. In my two hour break i had lunch and then had an interview for a job in the fine arts building as a tech. I will find out wednesday if I got the job or not. I am going to leave it in the Lords hands though. if he feels like i will benefit from it then i will get it but if i don't i know there is a good reason.
My costume construction class only has 3 others. 4 total. and we meet in our professors office. it shall be an interesting class. but I am excited to learn more about sewing and such.
Tonight we have family home evening at the Institute building, and after that we are having a movie night and ice cream for one of my roommates because today is her birthday!
tomorrow my first class is at 9:30. I feel like i am doing good. i am going to succeed this year at so much. I have student council meeting every tuesday night and wednesday i am running for an office in the drama club. My goal is to get the founders spirit award.
Next tuesday are open auditions for the fall play. I need to get on that.
No, I am not really going to go to school naked but I am not sure what to wear, and wearing the wrong outfit and making the wrong first impression is almost as bad as wearing nothing at all. They are both saying that "i don't care what i look like or what people think of me"
not the impression i need to be making.
My favorite pair of shoes, plaid vans, were left at home and i will not have them in my possession until possibly this next weekend. what am i supposed to wear this week?! i don't want to wear heels all week, but i guess i will make do with the shoes that I do have.
Anyways, My best friend, Danny-Boy, called me today and told me something really sweet. I knew i did good choosing him as my best friend. He's in Utah and even has a different time period. its weird.
school starts tomorrow morning. and man, i need laundry soap!
ok, so the title is actually not true... just wanted to grab your attention! Tonight there was a crazy storm! so a bunch of girls from my community went out to a grass field outside our dorm and started dancing and then we recruited some guys to come dance with us and one brought a frisbee so then we played boys against girls keep away. Girls dominated, naturally. but it was so much fun! we played and goofed off for about an hour and a half. then after we got all cleaned up a couple girls came to my room and we got to know each other a bit more and had some nice girl talk :)
Tomorrow is our first Sunday here. normally our ward is at 1 but tomorrow everyone is meeting at 10. We will see how it is :)
remember that life is what you created it to be.
if you want to do something. get out there and do it! but always return with honor!
Tonight is the first college party! it is expected to have over 300 people! its a white out party! a bunch of us are going together and we are getting all decked out! its going to be awesome! i'll post all about it later!
So today My friend, Chuck, came up to visit me today. we took his motorcycle up to the mountain to take all the twists and turns. It was so much fun and so beautiful as well. so after that I decided I wanted to learn how to drive it so he taught me and I totally drove it! He told me that I was way good! I handled the clutch really well and even picked my feet off the ground and got some speed. oh man oh man oh man! it was awesome! My wanting a bike just increased by 50 :)
So the last two nights I have spent in a new bed, in a new house, in a new school, in a new city, in a new county. It has been sort of a tad weird but kinda of exciting. my first night here, i went to the institute building and played pool, air hockey, and ping pong with some friends. Wednesday I took care of some stuff and hung out with friends. 4 of us had a movie night in my friends apartment and in between movies we went to Walmart for Pizza, Oreo's, and allergy meds. My allergies have been bothering me, alot! we got our internet set up today, and i typed out a resume and having been sending it in hopes tog et a job! we had our first meal on campus and it was confusing but we got it!
we learned some life lessons from the football players sitting behind us, they said that the hardest part of school is going to class but "Dude! just do it!" and that its smart to make friends with another smart person so that they can help you when the teacher is unavailable. It was quite entertaining.
We are going to go find all of our classes today and introduce ourselves to our professors and get the in there.
We might be having another movie night or something tonight :)
tomorrow my friend is coming up with his motorcycle and we are going to spend the day on windy roads in the mountains.
School starts Monday!!
thanks for reading :)
hope u are enjoying your day!
Today in Young Women's Brittany, Kathy, and I were asked to get up in front of the group and bear our testimonies. since it was there last day in the young womens program and it was my last sunday in the ward! I was the last one to go, and although i am not a crier i was totally crying by the time it got to my turn. It was so sad to say goodbye to everyone that i have practically spent my whole life with. After we were finished the 3 of us were in a receiving line for hugs. talk about hard!
Saying goodbye to familiarity is hard!
along with saying goodbye to friends and family i am saying goodbye to bad habits and quirks of mine. i think it is a perfect time to let go of things that i don't like about myself. I need to be someone that i love. because if i don't love myself then how can i expect someone else to love me?
and I can't always be around people or be doing something, i need to be ok with being alone with myself.
my mom told me that i can't run from myself. and that hit me hard because it is so true.
so i am saying goodbye to amazing things and some things i need to let go and leave here
i believe this is the perfect time to change.
i can put those imperfections in a box and leave them in the back of my closet here in mesa and never think about them again. i can leave them here and move on.
its going to be good for me.
today was such an incredible day. The spirit was so strong and I absolutely love this gospel.
i cannot wait for the day that i marry the one that i love in the sacred, holy temple. i am so grateful for the faith that i have obtained in Christ. it has helped me through so many incredibly hard things!
today i think was the turning point in my life.... i am saddened that it took jumping in the deep end to realize what i am all about but i am glad i discovered it.
yesterday i had a million and one anxiety attacks. and i was feeling so miserable because of them. So, my friends decided to get me out of the house, well my one friend B, came and picked me up and we were gunna pick up our other friend but then K said she was on her way to get her. So B and I turned around and were driving home .We had a green light and were just going straight. about half way through the intersection the car waiting to turn left decided to go right in front of us. So B slammed on her breaks but the cars still collided. it was so scary. when we got ahold of ourselves we pulled over and the other car was long gone. we got out to look at the dammage... and WOW. the front end was crushed into the tire. it made a very weird noise on the way home... luckily neither one of us were hurt. but oh man it was scary. but all 4 of us had a nice night talking. i am going to miss things like that.
Yes, that is correct. i Jumped off of a cliff and survived. It was magical.
Of course, the ropes may have helped a little bit/.. but non the less it was sooo much fun!
i took 3 of some close friends that i have grown up with and my dad came as well.
One of the times that we went down we went together. a Daddy/Daughter jump. it was very enjoyable. i am so glad i have had this opportunity before i leave. i love my friends :) they are so random and funny.
no to do some packing and try to get more things in order! woot! :)
hope everyone out there is having a fabulous day! you guys deserve what you created!
Literally! :) tomorrow morning i am going repelling with 3 of the closest people to me! I've known these kids since i was like young enough to remember. I am so excited! we are going with my dad and his friend who are driving us and providing the equipment and safety for us!
so that is from 5am to 9 am. 4 hours :)
then packing and maybe a power nap and calling some people in thatcher about a job.
at 3pm i am going horseback riding with another friend.
Then at 6 Kathy and I have home teachers coming from the singles ward. and then we have our VERY LAST mutual.... and my very last activity with this ward. i have 5 days until i drop off the face of the earth.
i know you are a bodily organ... and i very much need you for functional purposes, and im very very sorry for the scrapes and bruises i have allowed to happen to you.
so i thought i wold warn you right now.....
The week countdown starts tomorrow.
i can't believe in a week i will be gone.
I am so excited.
My soul sista, Em is moving across the street from the where I will be staying and we talked last night for almost 3 hrs. It was amazing. i am so glad i will have that support there for me. I am excited to start moving in and decoration my dorm. it'll be nice.
I need to find my ipod... i don't know where to start looking,... i reallllyyyy hope i find it!
I am so grateful for everything that i have.
yesterday, I went to both the family ward and the singles ward. and i was so spiritually uplifted. I felt absolutely amazing.
i currently have a broken finger... HA! and its my middle finger. its crazy,
im not sure how it happened. but i got myself some crazy painkillers for it :)
yesterday i went to lunch with Layla and Christian and then went to work. then i went to Urgent care where my finger was taken care of.
today my friend Kevin came to church with me. he isn't a member but i really like him. and he enjoyed church today! he even shared a personal experience in Sunday school about how he say God's hand in his life.
it was neat. he might be coming to church next week too. but thats my last week in town. but we are going to stay in touch and hopefully see eachother often :)
Kathy and I are going Repelling Thursday :) wooot!
and this friday is fri the 13th!!!!
Lets sit back and look a tlife. lets enjoy if for what it is. ir's a gift. a non returnable gift.
it's like a wooden block. its up to us what we want to make out of it. what we expect from it.
if we live it sitting there we can't appreciate the beauty that is there. we won't discover the magic that it holds. the excitement of creating a new shape.
life is that block. we need to create it based on what we wan it to be. the choice is completely ours.
release it's divinity.
show it off in the window sill.
don't avoid it. it'll always be hat block if you don't do something with it.
make it into a vase, make it a stepping stool. somthing practical.
make it a bracelet and stud it with diamonds. make it something you've always wanted.
bt you need a knife. you'll need some experience, you'll need some funds and maybe soeone to overlook your project to make sure ur doing it right and not missing something. . but with just a little of each you can make that block something you want to keep forever. something you smile about just thinking that you created it.
so get started.
just breathe. and enjoy life for what you created it to be.
it all stated in our sewing class our junior year. we kinda just hit it off. ariel was with us too. we'd all 3 always get in touble for talking alot.
we managed to pass the class even with the teacher hating us cuz we always worked on our own projects instead of the assigned one.
we hung out alot after that. we hung out over spring break nd were broke so just had chips and salsa at mi amigo's.
we stole Nathan's truck and were so glad we didn't crash it!
when a horrible misfortune happened at gradnight she didn't leave my side. she looked out for me.
we had our girls night at ariel's house, and she had a little "incident" on the roof.
we always laughed alot together. she was so sweet.
then we both dated guys that were friends with eachother so we got to do double dates :)
she is such an incredible girl!
she's been through alot but she is one of the happiest and strongest girls i know.
i really admire her.
:) this was our last day as juniors!
Emily Ruth Moss.
every october she had her slumber party. we would always depants eachother.
we'd do hypnotism. and eat lots of junk foods.
we went to achievement days together. we both were in love with jesse chapman and grant rodriguez.
then she moved.
then we grew up.
then we were both at the college preview day for EA and ran into eachother
we ditched the tour and our parents and went on a date with these guys :) then we talked and talked and talked and flirted with guys and talked and talked
then when i got my car i took a trip to tuscon where she currently lives and we had so much fun!
we stayed up SO late playing dress up and talking and watching movies and eating junk food.
we went on a date and had fun messing with a waiter without our dates noticing.
I call her when i am happy, sad, frustrated and she helps me thru it.
we talk for hours on end.
we will be living across the street from eacother in a week and a half.
we are both crazy boy crazy.
we have the same life philosophy.
if ur wondering, ask. if ur bored, get up and do something.
if you want something, get it.
college is going to be so much easier with her!
and we both have a thing for guys that sing... these two were in the musical we went to see
Lauren Brie Hofeling.
BEST friends since 7th grade.
it all started with MRs. Call's math class first hour on the first day of school, she had something i liked so i asked where she got it. Target.
we had our whole schedule together practically and in every class i would ask her where she got something and it was always target.
i don't think i would've survived mrs. reid that first year if it wasn't for her.
we did our "research" for mrs shepherds very first assigned essay and actually ran into her at the mall!
we had so many laughs together.
she was always very picky with who i dated, always wanted them to be good enough for me.
so even after she moved a million miles away, i always thought if she would approve or not.
we are like sisters.
we are pretty opposite in alot. but the same on alot too!
she always kept me pretty grounded and hated drama. she was supportive but would tell me when i was wrong. we always liked to same guys... ha ha and had codes for EVERYTHING.
hahahahahahah nobod would get them but us.
we would tape pennies to posters, and talk all thru math lab.
we would ditch the first half of seminary and get jack in the box.
we'd make fun of sweaty boy.
the first time i went to her house, my cheek was numb so i had a crooked smile. it was funny. we studied "chemistry" and made videos on avril and hillary.
she really was a best friend. and i am so glad she has been part of my life. teen years wouldn't have been survivable without this girl!
Oh my. where do i start?
Drama class. She was in stage left and i was in centerstage.
she was in a play called Tarzan and i was assigned to help them clean it and perfect it before the performance :)
i thought she was a super chill person.
then she transferred into my drama class the next semester. and we weren't friends til i my bf and I broke up and we were getting back at him... hahaha
we started talking about our different boy problems and then started texting and stuff. She was really there for me. and we had so much fun! i was in her play that she wrote, playing her. and we went on double dates together. and id get in the car screaming
"roll the windows up!"
*windows roll up
"HE IS SOOOO CUTEEEE"
Our drinks at Red robin, our late night drives, our boy problems,her moon roof, our matching cars, our love for music, our band, our writing. We have had way too many good times to forget.
i am going to miss her like crazy. she is my Deuce :) hahahaha
her with her award of best director for organized Chaos.
Kathryn Angelica Hinckley.
she is something else!
i always feel like a better person when i am with her. it all started 3rd yr at girls camp. we were bunk buddies and i gave her the nick name Kitty.
we really opened up to each other.
she is one of the most talented and most humble people i know.
She has been there for me so much.
From band camp to the night my uncle died to going to singles ward..
she is one day older than me.
She is the kind of person that because i know her, i want to be closer to God.
I can tell her anything and I know no one else will find out.
i can trust what she says, because she is one of the most honest people i know.
my senior year at Mesa High would not have been the same without her.
i love how random she is. and i love how she respects everyone around her.
she has some of the best taste of music. and we have so many fun adventures and memories.
i hope that Kathy will always be someone close to me.
One of my first friends, My first Best friend. literally BEST.
it all started by going to Caitlynn McGrath's Christmas party in 8th grade. We went off alone and ended up having the best conversation ive ever had. we were best friends from that moment on. after the party we went to the stake dance and had some fun, naturally.
we had our tiff's and our differences. and we had fights. we "broke up" on occasion, but we always came back together. like magnets.
i honestly don't know how i would've survived jr high and high school without her.
i could call her and we'd talk for hours She always had the best advice, and helped me out of every situation.
she knew me better than anyone. she knew when i was faking a smile, she knew when i was lying, etc.
I have had some of my best times with her, We've gotten in SO much trouble together, but it made us that much closer.
She has changed my life... and i hope she is always in it. ALWAYS.
This is the end of Sophomore year at the school we wanted so badly to get away from
This is Bri, Me, and Lindsay on a Marine Preserve in Cali :)
so today Kathy and I went to the singles ward in our stake. it was so weird! today consisted of getting hit on and stalked and being told we had lovely voices from an old lady.... maybe next week we'll actually go to more than sacrament meeting! hahahaha
it was an adventure. i love that girl. i am going to miss her dearly.
so, the date, wow! it was so incredible!
the guys took me and Brianna to a natural hot tub in the middle of nowhere in the desert! the water is naturally heated, drawn from a very underground well! it was very neat! :) then we went four wheeling on the dunes and earlier they had set up a bonfire, so after fourwheeling we ended at the bonfire and had stuff to roast marshmallows and stuff. thenw e got hit with a HUGE storm. so we got in the truck and watched the bonfire dance in the rain. it was cool. and we jammed out to music. which is always a plus.
then we went to circle K for hot chocolate.
then the couples each went their seperate ways. My date took me to the thatcher fields and we watched the storm from an underground dug out and stayed nice and dry. and.... he kinda gave me some hope that i wasn't stuck in the friend zone, so we'll see what happens :):)
My trip this week was fun. and i needed to be up there. it helped me get over alot of things.
I strengthened so many relationships that needed the strengthening.
I move out in 16 days... CRAZY!
and last night i played some pool. and met this wayyyy cute guy! and we hit it off :) and welll i discovered i really suck at pool now... hahahahah i need to practice!
anyways, today i am going to do some more packing, hit up the singles ward, and go to a BBQ.
well.. thats all for now :)
so, the title says it all, once again. this is a blog post!
currently, i am in thatcher. i came to see a friend that just got back from georgia, and to sort out some college stuff and make sure everything is in order because in 2.5 weeks this city slicker is gunna become a small town let down :) hehehehe (inside joke)
anyways, for some odd reason (really, its odd) my layout was completely erased. and so, me, being the busiest energizer bunny that i am, did not have time to redo it all and find something that fit my personality PERFECTLY or anything like that, but i needed SOMETHING! so this will have to do.
so tonight i am supposedly going on a date. with a guy that is not interested in me. with a guy that i want to make mine. i thought my last post was torture... but this is torture on a whole new level!
I'm stuck in the 'friend' zone. and that's a horrible feeling.
trying to play it cool. trying not to cry. trying not to seem any weirder than i already am.
ahhhhh oh wellll! life goes one.
i went into the college office today to get stuff sorted out. and WOOOOWWW! :) cute guy freaking overload!
and my excitement level for college just flew through the roooof! i am beyond excited. mainly to find a husband and then get married! or just focus on school and my career. we'll see :)
well my date is here. so i guess this is it for me!
so, i'm sitting in the airport terminal waiting about and hour for my flight i had already called each of my friends and had lenghty convos, read a magazine in the tourist shop and gotten a bite to eat. but i still found myself with an hr left to wait with nothing else to do.
so i people watched. and dang there are some cute guys in airports! and one came and sat next me. he was from orange county and his dad is a famous country singer. his name was johnny. and we had an amazing convo about music and life and everything ! I couldn't stop thinking about him and it's totally not fair cuz i have no way to ever see him again!
then tonight i am at bed bath and beyond getting some stuff for my dorm and this amzingly gorgeous guy helps pick out some stuff and was like a personal shopping assistant. it was amazing. his name was D.J. but i prolly wont ever see him again either. i hate having these moments just to think about.
then the one person you really do love, doesnt love you.
what's this love things anyways?
so, I've played one gig so far at club red performing a song a friend wrote to me,a nd we performed it together. well, since then, we have put together a few more things. Including Love the way you lie by Eminem and Rihanna. I'm also going to be debuting a few of my own original songs. it's going to be so amazing. so this major event in the history of me and my career takes place at the Red Owl in Tempe and will be on September 25th, 2010. Which also happens to be my 19th bday :D
I am so thankful for the talents that God has given me, even if they aren't as good as they could've been had i not been burrying them my whole life. I love how when i dream something, i make it reality sooner or later. which is why i don't get why some ppl don't believe in me. the people that have known me the longest don't think it's gunna happen. its depressing really. you'd think they'd catch on by now that i will make whatever i want to have happen happen, but it's alright. just another point to prove, and i'm just good at that :P
I have a pit, a sinking whole, the size of the Yankee's stadium sitting inside my stomach, crowding my heart.
it's like anxiety on slow ur roll. or purple stuff.
it's ridiculous. and i am fine when im around ppl. i've trained myself so well to just be happy around ppl that it's second nature.
but when i am alone.... it eats at me. i want to scream. i want to fill it somehow. but every attempt is in vain.
im not sure what to do.
life is about late night drives, music blasting, long stretches of highway , no destination, no one knowing where you are.
i can be everything. i'll be your safe ride home, i'll be everything and more.
im willing to tear down these walls for you. im willing to take a chance on you.
why do you do this to me? why did u want to break a perfectly good heart. how can u do this so easily. a single tear, its more than i ever feared. i am feeling so overwhelmed. these days are uneasy.
life is about taking risks. its about not being jealous of someone because you have something, you have so much, to offer the world.
comparing never helps any situation. it makes em all harder.
can you tell that i am listening to every word you have ever said?
life is about falling in love not in hate.
when someone says, "The chances of that are..."
well screw them. i will take that chance.
please take a chance on me.
life is about doing ur best in everything.
it's about smiling thru the pain. and letting it out to your best friend,
its about setting rules and breaking them. its about friends. it's about laughter. its about finding out who you really are.
So, yes. I have slipped and looked at old messages from you. and Sneaked a peak at your Profile..
and I'm sorry to say, but i can tell you're not happy. And i wonder why sometimes because you chose how everything is. like when u buy a house you choose the hardware you want and which one you want. you chose all of this and I just don't get why u keep coming back and saying u wish u didn't choose some of the things you did. and Boy, am i stupid sometimes to buy into it and believe you are sorry.
sorry is nothing. it means absolutely nothing to me. if something needs apologizing it shouldn't have been done in the first place. that's my take on it.
and I just know you so well and It's sad to see that look in your eye.. and to read the words you write. and i feel even more bad for you because no one knows what you mean by them but me. and I wish i could help you. but you chose to block me out. and i just don't know how i can help you when you chose to leave me.
I really never can decide what the heck to title any of my posts! how unoriginal am I? sad day.
Anywho, I got a car yesterday! and my friend helped me "Tink" it out! haha i got tinkerbell stuff all over it! floor mats, seat covers, cd holder, steering wheel cover, airfreshner, and decals!
so i named my car tink :) ha ha
I am so super dooper excited!
Today I had the lesson in Laurel's, And i did pretty good :) especilly for barely preparing in Sacrament meeting. :)
I have today and tomorrow off work :) i don't know what to do with myself! hahaahha jk
SO i just have so many emotions running thru my being that I just don't know how to even begin expressing myself.
I should have another gig coming up soon. i've been talking to the guy about it, so we'll see when i get booked :) i am so excited. i will be performing my own songs, instead of my friends songs. i might have my friends band come play with me too.
i absolutely love music. and the fact that im a music performer now, just blows my mind,
I am making my dreams come true. Literally. And I am so grateful.
i am just really hoping and praying that i don't lose sight of a temple marriage....
anyways, I am so excited to start school in August.
I've been working at Hobby Lobby. and I think that was definitely meat to be. because one of my coworkers has changed my life.
i have been so anti marriage because of these walls that i have built around my heart. and i've been working on just opening up little by little. and they just have been aiding me so much without even knowing. but i love this person in a very pure way.
anyways, i've been so overwhelmed by gratitude lately i don't even know what to do with myself.
i have surrounded myself with ppl that love me and i love. ppl who treat me right and respect me and help me make the right decision and ppl who encourage and support me.
i am so grateful for the friends that i have because i don't know where i'd be without them.
well.... i am going to peace out now. :)
love you all.
life gets confusing. and sometimes boring doing the same thing over and over.. so spice it up. live life with no regrets! and be true to ur friends. love the people who treat u right and forget about the ones that dont!
peace and love,
the one downside of transferring schools so late in the game... friends. yeah i have alot of friends. i have alot of different people to hang out with. but I don't have that group of friends that all hang out together or tell eachother everything, sisterhood of the traveling pants sorta thing. I have few friends that i can talk to about alot. but i don't have the friendship with anyone where I am going away to college and they want to get in all the quality time they can.
i kinda envy ppl with a circle of friends. cuz i just have a bunch of friends. not a circle of em. and you'd think it couldn't get lonely. but it does. it gets oh so lonely sometimes. especially when you see all your friends in THEIR circle of friends. i am not a jealous person. but I envy that sorta thing.
So I got to get all dressed up in my "red carpet" dress. It's a dress I bought about 1 year and a half ago but I swore if i ever walked the red carpet, it's what I would wear. Well, There was nbo red carpet for us this time but It was still a huge step for me in my acting career! so i wore it! My friend Kayla got the Best Director Award for directing a play she wrote, and it was sooo good! i was the lead in her play and She definately deserved that award!
Much to my disbelief, I won the Best supporting Actress for a a play from last semester. It was for the role of Candace from Phineas and Ferb :) :) :) I was SO shocked! cuz i didn't think i was going to win anything, my jaw literally dropped! but it made me so happy! i can't stop looking at the trophy!
I am just so grateful that I am going to be spending my life doing what I love. I have dreamt about this kinda stuff since i was old enough to have dreams and aspirations! this is literally, A dream come true! and I am so grateful to everyone who has helped me and supported me along the way!
I am just overwhelmed with all different emotions... mostly Happiness and Satisfaction! and LOVE! for acting and being able to express myself through it. It has taught me so much on and off the stage about life, and has brought me som amazing friends and opportunities!
So this week has been ridiculously busy!
Monday night I stayed up all night doing homework.
Tuesday night I had guitar practice and then Danny and I went to the Diamondback's game and had great seats! We lost... but it was still super fun! we got there early and went to the sandlot and got to swing at a few in the batting cage.
Wednesday was the yearbook signing party but before that I had another guitar practice. I only went to the beginning and the end. The in between parts Kayla and I were driving around trying to find a good deal on Sharpie's! After that, Justin, Aaron, and I met up with all the coolest people ever at Countryside Park and had a MASSIVE water fight! It was sooo much fun!
Thursday, I went to the hospital and watched a movie with my friend Chuck and visited with him for a while. Then i met up with Kayla, Tyler, and Leona at the One Acts, then I went to a friends house and went swimming.
Friday, I didn't go to school. I went with my drama class to a couple Art elementary schools and performed 4 plays and an improv show for them! We also went to the mall for lunch and had a super fun time! Friday after that I had guitar practice, went the movies with Nathan and saw Robin hood, then went down to my gig and performed what I've been practicing all month! After that I hung out all night with a bunch of bands and I got to chill back stage and stuff it was sooo sick! I also met the lead singer of Scary Kids Scaring Kids. it was so chill. this band called cold fusion is about to get signed too, and I hung out with them for a while too! I got home super late and then
Saturday, I woke up at 5AM and drove to thatcher, toured the temple, and drove back.
slept for an hour and a half and mom and I went to my Speech and Debate awards ceremony.
I was awarded my varsity letter which I was not expecting so I was super EXCITED! I was seriously all teary eyed and emotional. even being as tired as i was!
after that I came home and slept.. i had the option to do several other things but i was sooo tired and exhausted.
Sunday at the crack of dawn i had a meeting and then right after that I had church. after church i cleaned my room. and boy, does it feel good! i won't have my mom hounding on me about it all the time now! Then I watched Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium with my lil brother and then I went to sleep.. well not really. i tossed and turned all night and today i am terribly sick... but i really don't want to be a lazy butt and sleep but i can't do much else.... even though i really do feel like folding my laundry.... i just can't.. and i want to get ahead on my homework.. but i just can't.
this like really stinks..
Yeah, I suck at the title thing, sue me.
Life has been interesting.I am loving it though. it most definitely does not get boring!
i have been hanging out with friends.. hanging out with more friends... then hanging out with friends some more! Yup, it's the best!!
I am so excited that there are only 16 days of high school left. I can finally just get on with my life and leave all this stupid drama behind. like really, it's getting stupid.
I am also that much closer to moving out! and Yes, I LOVE my family. but I am SO ready to get out of here! and just start my own life. I'm sure we all know that feeling.
so, Something that I just can't really keep in is like how much the spirit and certain events are testifying to me my role on this earth. sometimes people think that they have to discover a cure for cancer, or being the leading role in some amazing movie to even begin to make a difference in someones life. I sort of feel bad for the ones that do believe this. because they aren't realizing that they are making a difference in everyones life. good or bad! and if they want to make that good difference then all they have to do is put forth a conscience effort!
I just can't even express how thankful I am for some of the people that are in my life... and I just hope that I can be making a difference in others' lives like they are making in mine :)
Sooooo, Life :) It's the craziest roller coaster that I have ever experienced! but boy, do I love it!
Prom was this last Saturday and it was SOOO much fun! I went with one of my best friends, Nathan! we were in a group with some of my best friends and so it made it that much more amaazing!
To start the night off, Nathan picked me up in a Cadillac Escalade and we went to the Mesa Arts Center to gt our pictures taken. Then we all met up at PF Chang's. i got daiquiri's so that was a definitely PLUS! When the waitress was refilling our drinks, we turned to our friend Brittany and said "Oh, lets take your picture, Birthday girl!" and a few min. later the waitress walked out with a tray of desserts to choose from! We then got the entire restaurant to join in the traditional Happy Birthday song!
pretty normal, yes? NO! her birthday isn't fr another 9 months!YES!!! it was awesome!
We then proceeded to prom! we danced and got our pictures in front of the backdrop, had a lovely carriage ride. It was such an incredible experience. I am so glad I went and I am so thankful I got to spend the night with some of my closest friends.
My gown was absolutely gorgeous! It was so comfortable too!
I didn't kill myself with Heels, either... I WORE MY VANS!! heck friggin yes!!
well, That's all I really have to say. Other than Life is a giant hug.. you just need to embrace it. ha ha.... idk!
I am emotionally exhausted... it's just one thing after another and I'm trying hard not to go into my apathetic corner...
I had a great evening with my mom (shopping.. 'nuff said!) and then Dillon, Elaina, and I watched the drama 1 kids enjoy their time on stage. then I did not enjoy about 2 hours of AP anatomy H.W.... and I'm not sure if I should even entertain the thought of sleep because there is never enough of it!
29 days of high school left!!!
This is a completely random post just for the heck of a random post. :D This week has been so fun. It has done a very good job of mimicking a roller coaster! I think i kinda fell for this guy... He has the sweetest smile and is just the sweetest guy but I'm not sure if he likes me the way I like him. But he's a great friend and I really enjoy hanging out with him.
On another note, any of you that know me, know that I LOVE dogs! SO SO SO SO much. I have begging and begging my mom to let us get another one.. we used to have 3.. but they died :( Well, my Uncle went on a vacation and fortunate for ME, he could not take his dog. My family got to Dog sit it. The other day i took Her and my 3 younger siblings for a walk, and it was SO nice. Then, last night I took he out running with me for 2 miles. It was so relaxing and beautiful. I really wish I had a dog I could do that with any time I wanted to. Tomorrow we have to return our little friend :(
Any who, Today is my Daddy's BIRTHDAY!!! too bad I couldn't see him today.. but I did send him a text message and he told me Thank you :D
MAJOR STRESS IN MY LIFE AT THE MOMENT.....: ANATOMY!!!!!! I just need to get a grip on this notebook... I am so grateful we don't have class tomorrow. I hope i can use my time wisely.
Like it states in the title, this is just a random post... :D
What constitutes fun these days? Websters definition of fun is the following:
-What provieds enjoyment or amusement.
My definition of fun is the following:
-Drinks at Red Robin or Native New Yorker
-Hiking in mud caves
-Having a picnic in the middle of the road
-Playing card games in the middle of a wildlife park
-Hanging out of the sun roof in the middle of the night on the most beautiful nights in the history of beautiful nights
-choregraphing dances with friends... just for the heck of it.
-having conversations with people I love that last for hours on end into the night
-seeing a shooting star.. or multiple shooting stars
-watching the sun rise or set
-watching a play or musical
-being involved in a play or muscial
-doing selfless service for others
-going to walmart at 2 am.. trying to buy a fish and acting like a viking in the shopping cart
-playing Little Big Planet on Playstation
-Family gatherings during Holiday season
-gossiping with my 4 yr old sister that knows everything going on
-having TP wars between 3 houses on your block and taking the Victory at 2 am and staying up til 6 to make sure they didn't get you back
-Capture the Flag
... and many many more.
let's just say that Life NEVER gets boring for me...
and if it ever starts to, it doesn't last for long.
These are the things that make life the incredible journey that it is. Even though sometimes not-so-fun things happen, the process of getting through them and seeing them unfold and then fold back up makes it interesting and in a sort of sick way "fun."
Hello there, again!
Sometimes people make promises.. then something comes up. Or the promises get too hard to keep. At the time they sounded pretty and beautiful but when it comes time to work for them, rarely anyone will. I have found this out the hard way. Another lesson I have learned is that history will ALWAYS repeat itself. No matter how many time you try to convince yourself otherwise.
There is a boy, he Had a girlfriend. doesn't get the attention he wants from the girl and moves on. same thing happens. BUT THEN he meets you. and YOU are just sooo different from all the other girls. But he is still the same boy. And he makes you all these pretty promises of Forever and always. you confide in him and tell him that you can never love another and he promises that you never will have to. he promises you that no matter what he will find a way to marry you and you believe him. realizing that he keeps leaving all these girls but you believe that you are different. You very well could be, but he is the same.. and Left. Before he even told you he was done with you he lined up the next girl and she falls for it too.
i feel bad for the both of them. anyways, It's going to happen this new girl too and I kinda feel bad for the both of them but I also find it VERY humorous :D
Yes, It is true. I *FINALLY* got this whole thing straightened out... I hope. (fingers crossed). But just to warn ya'll, my blog might be plain for a while cuz i am going to be SUPER busy with everything that's been going on. But along with the stress that comes with being so busy comes with the need as a writer to write... to convey my feelings and similes to others. So here i am :D that's it for my first post!