Sunday, July 31, 2011


Disclaimer: This post is going to be all over the place. soooo.... I will probably not make much sense at all but I've said before and I'll say it again that I do not write for an audience. I write for me.  

I don't even know where to start, but most people recommend the beginning but I am not even sure where that is, to be honest.  I'll do my best though. 

I have this wonderful yet horrible habit of overloading myself and always wanting to over achieve.  I have always wanted to accomplish more than the average girl my age... or anybody for that matter.  I have convinced myself that I am super girl.. or the energizer bunny and will never wear out or tire and just being able to accomplish every task that I take on! (all at once!) ever since I can remember I have been this way.  Especially in High school when I transferred to Mesa High School.  I joined EVERYTHING.  I did Service learning, Speech and Debate, Spirit Club, Softball, Center Stage, Color Guard, Disney Club, and was Mesa Woman.  I also hung out with a lot of the Stucco kids so I helped with all of their tasks as well.  I just wanted to do everything! My first semester of College I took 18 Credits and double majored, was cast as the lead in the play, and worked part time. Second Semester I took 25 credits, double majored, acted in several student films, worked part time for half the semester, cooked all my own meals every meal every day, was an Irene Ryan Nominee which required me to travel and audition for scholarships and Grad Schools, and was in Student Council.   
And Boy did I learn the hard way that I am not superwoman... or the energizer bunny.
I burnt myself out. My wick was completely gone.  I moved back home to have the love and support of my family around me more fully.
But point is, I have always gone by this philosophy "bite off more than you can chew, and then chew it." Maybe I stuck to that a little too much though.  
I have always wanted to impress people when I told them what I was doing. I always wanted the absolute best for myself. 
I also Value my education very, very much.  I also Love my Heavenly Father very, very much.  Which is why I feel so torn right now.  
I always have a plan for myself... and most of the time I am not very bitter about plans changing because I KNOW that the Lord always knows what is best for me.
My plans after moving home were to go to ASU's Walter Cronkite School of Journalism, get my own place, get my degree and then work for some prestigious magazine or news station/paper. Well... Tuition is expensive so I needed a semester to save. So I was going to do a semester at the local community college and then in January transfer.  
Then I had a daddy daughter meeting thing with my dad about school... ugh Anyways, LONG STORY SHORT, My parents and I prayed about what I should do because they were worried I was going to over work myself, and so we were thinking about me just going to school part time for a year at the community college.  Which I was a little bummed about because I wanted to go to ASU as soon as possible and get started living my dream! 
When we prayed about it, We ALL got the feeling that I shouldn't take any classes and take a semester off and just work full time and be better able to handle whatever the Lord see's in my path that I'm going to need to handle.  
I am just worried people are going to be so judgmental. I have always just said "Bring it"  I don't care how stressful it will be I will make it work." But I cant because Heavenly Father is telling me differently..and I would be a fool if I didn't listen.  
You know what, I'm NOT worried about wasting a semester off of school.  The Lord knows what is in my future and this probably for the best... I just I could convince my anxiety.. 


  1. Desi Dear,

    I love this post. You are so good at identifying the problem! You know that you are smart and capable, but that has lead to overloading yourself, and to hard consequences. What a blessing to have the Lord answer the prayers of your heart, and of your parents' hearts! Some people live their whole lives trying to live up to what they imagine other people expect of them. They feel stress about what other people will think, so they become unable to decide things for themselves.

    Remember Proverbs 3: 5-8

    5¶Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

    6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

    7¶Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.

    8It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

    To me, this scripture is perfect for you at this time. Usually people just quote Proverbs 3: 5-6. But verse 7 and 8 sort of shout out that doing what we had in mind, rather than what the Lord inspires, can be evil to us, while trusting in Him is the path to physical HEALTH. I think that includes the tremendous peace of mind that surpasses our understanding.

    Gma Homework of the Day: Stand in front of your mirror. Put on your confident smile and practice saying, "I have decided to work this semester." Do you own anyone an explanation? Absolutely NOT! (Don't you love a university system that lets us come and go that way?)

    What judgmental people could be anywhere near as important as the Lord, whom you trust?

    Anxiety, go (back) to the devil!!!

    Love you!!

  2. Wow you did a lot! I had no idea you wanted to go into journalism. I have just recently decided that is want I want to do! I wouldn't worry about being judged. Just tell people your a year ahead of schedule and you deserve a break! :) By the way i am following you now!